What ever happened to Gilderoy Lockhart?
by ShrimpoJewels
Summary: It's a METMA Mandy Challenge...it's one of my sad attempts to be funny. Flame if you want...though I don't think I would mind.


Here's my sad attempt to make the challenge for METMA Mandy…it's quite sad, so I you can flame all you want I'm not a great writer. I also used TP's way of conversation.  
  
Hermione, Ron, and Harry were all sitting under a tree, on the school grounds. They were talking about their next Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.  
  
Harry: I wonder who it's going to be this time. I really hope it's Lupin again.  
  
Ron: Yea, that would be cool!  
  
Hermione: I really liked him as a teacher, but I really wish we could have Lockhart again.  
  
Hermione was saying this in an awed voice.  
  
Ron looked sick "Oh come off it Hermione! He's a twit! Plus, he lost his memory"  
  
Harry: I wonder what happened to him, after that.  
  
Meanwhile…while they are talking.  
  
Lockhart is in Hogsmead working as a waiter.  
  
Lockhart: May I take your order?  
  
Customer: I would like some bunt cake and some butterbeer please.  
  
Hey aren't you Gilderoy Lockhart?  
  
Lockhart wrote this down, and because he's stupid and can't remember anything. Then he turned he replied to the customer  
  
Is that my name? I didn't know that. Thanks for telling me chap, but how do you know me? Are you a friend of mine?  
  
The customer looked at him in disbelief!  
  
Customer: You mean you don't know who you are?  
  
Lockhart: Why, no I've been trying to figure that out myself, but I haven't been able to. So I'm working here, I have a really nice girlfriend now; She's in the closet.  
  
Customer: The closet?  
  
Lockhart: Yea, the closet, she has really pretty white silvery hair. Do you want to see her?  
  
Customer stared and was shocked out of his mind.  
  
Customer: What are you talking about? Ok, fine I'll go see her.  
  
Lockhart looked as pleased as he could be! He walked toward the closet and pulled out a mop.  
  
"Here she is! Isn't she gorgeous? "  
  
Customer: She's a MOP!  
  
Lockhart looked at the customer. "How dare you insult her! Go back to your table I'll get your bunt cake and butterbeer in a minute. Then you must leave!"  
  
The customer had no objection. Lockhart looked at his girlfriend, the mop…(he's a bit insane and doesn't know it)  
  
"Ani rotzah ha'oznayim shelo! (Meaning I want your ears) I love you so much!"  
  
The mop just kind of laid there in his arms…  
  
A nearby customer heard him, and stared in wonderment. She came over and asked  
  
"Are you ok?"  
  
Lockhart replied with "How dare you interrupt my romantic moment with my girlfriend! Be gone!"  
  
"Say what? You're weird." The customer walked about but Lockhart tripped her, for insulting his moment with his girlfriend. "Take that," He said.  
  
"Owww my leg! Help! He hurt my leg!" Everyone come running to her and asked what was the matter.  
  
Crowd: What's going on here? What's the matter? Is that Gilderoy Lockhart? It's Gilderoy Lockhart! What happened here?  
  
Lockhart looking mighty pleased with himself explained to the crowed that she was insulting him and his girlfriend.  
  
One of the customers: Well aren't you special that was really rude of you. Now she has a hurt leg! Now what do we do?  
  
The customers thought for a moment, then someone came up with an idea!  
  
Customer: I know saran wrap! Put some saran wrap around her leg, that will act as a cast!  
  
Customer 2: Hey what a good idea, where do we get some though?  
  
Customer: Well duh! The kitchens of this restaurant obviously have some.  
  
Customer 2: Why of course, I'll go get some.  
  
Minutes later the customer came back with a box of saran wrap, in the color of blue.  
  
Customer 2: I hope this will do, I could only find blue.  
  
Lockhart: It'll do, I still don't know why you are worried about her. Not like she's seriously hurt.  
  
Everyone in the crowd seemed to get really mad at those words, and started yelling various things to him.  
  
Crowd: Why are you so apathetic? That filthy piece of varmint…let me at him. Loser! You have a stupid girlfriend, it's a mop! I can't believe you're Gilderoy Lockhart.  
  
Lockhart listening to this yelled back at the crowd: She's a wonderful girlfriend and she's not a mop! She can dance see!  
  
In the most embarrassing way, anyone could make it look; Lockhart picked up his "girlfriend" and started to dance with it. Everyone started to laugh at him, and wonder in amazement who this person was.  
  
Customer: Lockhart has gone crazy! Then he went back to wrapping the women's leg with blue saran wrap.  
  
Customer 2: Wow, saran wrap is awesome, first it can use to cover up leftovers, and now it's helping someone with their leg. It never stops to amaze me!  
  
Lady with broken leg: Bless your soul, thank you for doing this for me. Then she glared at Lockhart.  
  
When the lady was all done, Lockhart was still dancing with his "girlfriend" The crowd had died down, because they were sick of the dancing and the stupidity. Now that the lady's leg was wrapped in blue saran wrap, she could walk freely, but with a cane. She started to leave the restaurant, when on the way out; she hit Lockhart with a cane.  
  
Lockhart: OWW that hurt!  
  
Lady: Good, that's what you get for breaking my leg.  
  
Then the lady walked out the store.  
  
OK, I know sad attempt to be funny. Here's the criteria.  
  
*There must be a reference to bunt cake  
  
*Someone must dance with an inanimate object  
  
*Someone must praise the wonders of saran wrap  
  
*A character needs to injure their leg  
  
*Someone must say, "Ani rotzah ha'oznayim shelo" which in Hebrew means, "I want your ears." 


End file.
